An Open Letter to Forty-Seven Members of the United States Senate

Mar. 12, 2015

An Open Letter to Forty-Seven Members of the United States Senate:

I have noticed from the way you have been acting lately that you may not fully understand what diplomacy is. I am writing to tell you all about it. Diplomacy is very important. While you are in the United States Senate, you should seriously consider trying it.

A dictionary is a book that explains what words mean. There is a good one on the Internet at www.learnersdictionary.com. It says “diplomacy” is a word that means:

1. the work of maintaining good relations between the governments of different countries
2. skill in dealing with others without causing bad feelings

When you write a letter to the leaders of another country and you give them a basic lesson on the constitution as if they were children and you were a civics teacher, it is not good diplomacy. Let me explain why.

Eyes over here, everybody

A letter that makes someone think, “Who the [bad word] do these [bad worders] think they are?” is not good diplomacy. In diplomacy, it is important to be polite and nice to people, even if you don’t like them or you think they are bad. This is called “tact”.

When you do diplomacy, you try to convince people to do what you want. But if you talk to people like you think they are stupid, or they do not know how to google the U.S. Constitution, you are being “patronizing”. It makes people think you do not respect them. They might feel insulted. They might not want to do what you ask them to do. They might even think, “I should get some nuclear weapons just to prove you’re not the boss of me.”

I am sorry if you feel left out because President Obama is talking to Iran but you are not. That is because it is not your job. There are special people called “diplomats”, and their job is talking to leaders of other countries. You should not try to sabotage your own diplomats’ work. Doing that hurts the country’s “interests abroad”, which are things in the rest of the world that Americans want or maybe even need.

Also, if you are angry at President Obama, you should tell President Obama about your feelings, not the leaders of Iran. This is a lot like that time when Daddy was angry with Mommy but instead of having a discussion with Mommy he yelled at you for forgetting to put the milk back in the fridge. Remember how unfair you thought that was?

I hope that this letter teaches you some things that will help you be better senators.

Sincerely,

Christopher Leapock